Resilience in Pursuit of Dreams
“Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.” - James Dean.
At the beginning of this year, I wrote down in my journal the things I would love to achieve, the things I would love to have, and the growth I would like to attain for myself before the year runs out. Generally, they are plans—plans and steps that I need to take to achieve my dreams. Just like Bo Bennett said, “A dream becomes a goal when action is taken towards its achievement,” and for me, making these plans was like taking action toward my goal.
At first, everything was going according to plan, and then, before I knew it, everything went downhill. Some of the things I wrote in my journal became a reality and were no longer just scribbles but tangible achievements. Though I was happy, I realized I was unable to focus on the other goals I had written down.
Over time, I noticed that the social media visibility I wanted to increase actually dwindled. My creativity waned, and I became extremely introverted. My daily routine became monotonous: wake up, go to the office, work, leave the office at 5:30 or 6 p.m., get home, do some chores, and work overtime. Weekends were spent sleeping off the stress from the week.
Initially, I found solace in books, but eventually, I had to drop those too, as they weren't the required reading for my professional growth. Of all the things I loved doing, I stuck only to watching movies and playing games, as those were the things I could do on my rest days.
When I noticed this pattern, I remembered C.S. Lewis's words: “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” I decided to make my work my new dream. I looked at it from two points of view. First, I genuinely loved what I was doing at the firm. My job as an instructional designer was interesting and fulfilling. Second, as an instructional designer, I could earn a good income, which I could use to pursue my other desires in the future. So, I set myself a goal: if I became a full-staff member after my six-month internship, I would work on getting myself out of this introverted state.
However, in my sixth month, I decided to resign due to some unresolved issues. Despite my efforts, it seemed like the director’s and supervisor’s expectations would never be met. Did I let the challenge defeat me? No (I’ll explain in another post). I felt that I had overcome the challenge in my way.
During this period, I was grateful for friends and family who were always there for me, especially friends who constantly checked up on me even when I didn’t. Truly, they are the real MVPs and are closest to my heart.
Did you think resigning was the end? No, it was the beginning of a bigger phase and challenge.
After my resignation, I returned to my plans and worked on them for a while before stopping because the results weren’t showing, and I kept getting rejection emails from the jobs I applied for. At this point, I felt like I was in a phase where “nothing ever goes right with me.” I can’t say I was depressed, but I felt like I was heading there. My Bible became my greatest consolation. Disturbing my siblings and playing with my neighbors also helped. Movies and games made me feel like myself and prevented depression. This was my state for two months after my resignation until I said enough is enough.
The Japanese proverb “Fall seven times, stand up eight” became my motto as this was exactly how I felt the night I picked up my phone and poured out everything to my sister and best friend. To this very day, I keep asking myself, “Why her?” and I am yet to find an answer.
Maybe it’s because she is my number one supporter, has seen the very worst of me, she is my accountability partner, sister, confidant, and psychologist. I really don’t know why I decided to voice out to her, but I am glad I did because she spoke to me that day—more like scolded me like a mother would a child. She made me realize that I was heading towards depression and had allowed a lot of negativity into my life for the past few months.
She made me remember my dreams and encouraged me to pursue them once more. Unknowingly, she even quoted Tom Bradley: “The only thing that will stop you from fulfilling your dreams is you,” and Sam Levenson: “Don’t watch the clock; do what it does: keep going,” when she told me to “keep going even when I don’t see any results as the only hindrance to my dreams is myself.”
Thanks to her, I have retraced my steps, and my dreams are still very much a goal as they were two and five years ago. Will I achieve this dream of mine? Yes, I will. Will I become an obstacle to my dream again? Hopefully not, but if I do, my sister will whisk me back on track.
I will end this with Colin Powell’s quote: “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” Come on, guys, let’s put in the work despite the challenges we may face to make our dreams become a reality.
