The Many Faces Of Love

Since childhood, I have understood love as an act of kindness, giving, caring, loving, and understanding. I understood love as the act of being good to everyone around me without any ounce of grudge, belittling, malice, or jealousy. But as I grew, I realized that my understanding of love from childhood differed from the world’s. I also learned that there are various definitions and types of love.

But is that how it is?

Just like me, every parent teaches their children that the only type of love we have out there is the agape type of love, and truly they are not wrong, for if we look out the numerous definitions and types of love we have, we will find out that it all links back to the kind of love explained in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4 to 8 which states

Love is patient and kind,
It is not jealous or conceited or proud,
Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable,
Love does not keep a record of wrongs,
Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up, and its faith, hope, and patience never fail
Love is eternal

and that is the reason why.

The dictionary defines love as an “intense feeling of deep affection.” In other words, love is what one feels. Research has also shown that love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. Love involves closeness, attraction, affection, trust, and care. Research has also shown that there are approximately eight types of love:
1. The Agape love is the Christian type of love. It is also referred to as the love for everyone.
2. The Eros love: Eros is known as the Greek god of love and desire, hence the name, as this type of love has much to do with desire and passion. It is a passionate love that is often short-lived as it is driven by infatuation.
3. Ludus love, also known as Playful love, is affectionate. It is the type of love that you experience when you have a crush on someone. It is also often seen among children.
4. Pragma love: This is the type of love that endures many challenges. It has grown and has meaning. It is also known as long-lasting love. I think this is the type of love we find in our parents.
5. Platonic Love is the type of love experienced among friends, people with liked minds, between equals, and people with shared experiences. This type of love is based on Plato’s belief that physical attraction isn’t a necessary part of love.
5. Familial love is the type of love seen in families. It is the bond that exists among family members, like the love seen between parents and their children, siblings, or extended family. This love builds memories and unconditional loyalty, support, and security for one another regardless of the situation.
7. Self-love: This type of love involves self-respect, acceptance, and self-compassion. It is the foundation for having a healthy relationship with yourself and those around you. Loving yourself gives you a greater opportunity to love others.
8. Obsessive love, often called Mania love, is unhealthy and can be toxic, as it’s built on possessiveness and jealousy. It becomes all-consuming, with one person dominating the relationship or both partners becoming emotionally codependent.

I’m sure you will be wondering how the eight types of love connect to the kind mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (Agape love). Well, here’s the connection;

Though passionate and filled with desire and infatuation, Eros's Love can progress into a commitment, an enduring love that seeks the happiness and needs of the other person, similar to Agape's eternal love. Just like Agape's love is sacrificial and devotional, Eros's love is the same, as it can lead to the willingness to sacrifice for each other's needs.

Lighthearted and playful, Ludus's love reflects the joy, patience, and kindness found in Agape love due to the presence of genuine affection, playfulness, and the ability to enjoy life together.

A love based on long-term commitment and mutual understanding is eternal and patient. Pragma love involves supporting your partner in realistic ways, which mirrors Agape's emphasis on serving and caring for others.

I’m sure Plato was constantly asked the difference between the love found among lovers and that found among friends because tell me why he used wordplay to explain to the people of his time. Like Agape love, platonic or philia love involves mutual care, respect, and understanding. This love found among friends is built on trust and loyalty, where both parties involved are willing to help each other without demanding anything in return, thus explaining that “love is not selfish.”

Sometimes, your siblings or parents gall you, yet they still need your help. And because they’re family, you offer it even when you're still upset. Remember all those times you wished you could escape from them? But then, once you're away, you find yourself missing them. Don’t worry, I won’t judge. I get it. No matter how often our family members drive us crazy, we can't truly forget them, even when apart, and that's because of the unconditional, lasting love between family members, rooted in a deep and abiding bond. It’s the same love described in Corinthians, and perhaps that's why parents often use family as the perfect example when teaching their children about love.

When you genuinely love yourself, you realize that you have self-respect and self-compassion and are accepting of the kind of person you are. Also, you realize that you can extend all these features and are mindful of your actions and words to others, as explained in Corinthians.

Lastly, Obsessive love. I’m sure this is the one everyone is eagerly waiting for. The truth is that it’s not a crime to be obsessed with something or someone, but when it causes harm to that thing or person, it becomes evil. You must have seen or heard about people who are obsessed with their partners and are not experiencing any form of abuse. That’s because they are devoted to their partner and desire to keep their partner happy, as well as the closeness and connection they share. From this, I'm sure we can realize that if obsessive love is in a healthy form, we would see attributes of agape love in it, such as selflessness, care, and devotion

Now, you will agree that the definition of love my parents read to my five-year-old self from the Bible is valid and can be seen in any form of love. It can also be seen in a human-animal relationship. When healthy and expressed the right way, love is patient, kind, selfless, and eternal.